so confused

i took an absurdly long nap today, woke up, and genuinely didn't know what parts of my dream did and didn't happen. some of my dream was really bad, some was really good. but it was all too realistic and freaky. it makes me nauseous...

i'm so confused.

well then... i guess i won't do that again.

my soul hurts a little. i put my pride on the line a little more than i usually do regarding my "art." and nothing happened. except one comment, where i was asked if crayons and craft paper were sufficient to get it out of my system. whatever. i don't do it for anyone else anyways... and i realize none of that makes sense.

i'm terrified for guatemala. i'm sick to my stomach over some of the ccc stuff that goes on here. i'm anxious that i won't do well enough at my internship this summer. i'm regretful that i've spent my day doing nothing.

but those aren't the right feelings.

these are.

i'm ecstatic that i get to serve in guatemala. i'm joyful that i have the privilege of being at mit and having the chance to actually make a difference and influence a movement of God's people on a campus. i'm ready for the freedom that comes with living in a place where you don't know anyone. i'm satisfied that i needed some mental rest, and actually got it.

please don't judge.....

einstein, and kevin's mash. both of these rock.

i copy people a lot. this is more or less copied russian graphic designer.

thanks heather for having pretty flowers for me to draw.

into marvelous light i'm running - dani style. i draw songs a lot.

see, there really isn't much special here.

ron tied to a tree with his mouth duct-taped. thank you kellie for the inspiration.

sometimes i do collages. i also like to write things that i want to draw, but don't.

and if you're interested. my planner.

this feeling has got to go

i think i made a mistake. one of my professors is meeting with a project leader of mine tomorrow and i'm afraid all of my academic and engineering insufficiencies will drown me. because not only is this guy my professor, he's also a major department head, he's also one of the few who has a very direct say in whether or not i should get money to go to guatemala, he's also going to see how my project is lacking, and inform my project leader.

and i realize in the end nothing matters but God (thank goodness), but what about tomorrow? i just need more time.....

i hate anxiousness. i hate wondering if i'm really doing the best i can, because that probably means i'm not.

saturdays are supposed to be like this

waking up early, happy because i get to help AIDS victims in africa by making care packages with my friends.

taking a nap. naps are always wonderful.

spending time with my roommate - who is awesome!

playing i.m. frisbee and laying out in the sunshine.

playing i.m. volleyball, my favorite sport ever.

playing i.m. soccer. because i can.

and now, i'm doing a lab report. so what? i get a skype date with kevin later.

and i get to celebrate my savior's resurrection tomorrow! by eating meat!

and i don't care that i failed a test this week. and i don't care that my knee hurts. and i don't care that i probably won't sleep a lot tonight. and i don't care that i have more work than time. none of it matters. God is so good, i can't help but be absolutely, irrevocably, ecstatic.